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Don't let quotes fool you, go with your feeling;
Monday, August 2, 2010
1:24 AM

They say,
true friends can see the hurt in your eyes
when everyone else is fooled by your smile.

But I doubt it... or maybe I'm no one's true friend. For I never did see through the hurt in someone's eyes. Until they show through any forms of expression... be it; tearing, staying silent, ranting etc. If they don't, I will take their smiles seriously and feel that they are happy. Just like how I want them to think the same of me. One may think, 'eh that's so fake... you're sad over certain matter but you're smiling in front of them'. But hey, (sometimes) no matter how sad we are... we feel happy when we see our friends! So yes, my smile is sincere. It is not a plastic smile that I put up unless you say I'm not happy being with them yet I'm smiling. Then, that's fake!

I'm simple. If I'm happy, I will smile. If I'm sad, I will cry. If I'm angry, I will rant. I show how I'm feeling at the very moment, in your face. No hidden feeling. Don't we all hate people who are always feeling sad, or what you call emo? It just let you, as a friend, feel that you aren't of help to them... as they won't feel a bit happy even if they get to see you? Well, I'm sorry but to say... these are the friends I won't want. I will call them Losers. Even if you think that I'm the loser one, leaving them because they're 'emo' or whatever.

So, who are the one I bother for. They are, of course, YOU! Who have the up and down mood. No, not moodswing. That's terrible!!! But those who are always happy, yet sad at times. (Haiya) I need not explain... you should understand what I meant.

& well, if I'm no one's true friend, then it will meant no one is my true friend. Because I can hide my feeling better than you can! And I feel that no one can see that I'm hurt until I express out. Usually through heart to heart chats. I like it this way; Straightforward! So no one need to worry about my feeling constantly, and be paranoid over it.

But there are times, like tonight, when I feel I'm a lousy friend. Dearest A teared out of a sudden. We were happily teasing each others (or rather I'm usually the one being teased), then we paused in thoughts silently... and A's eyes turned teary. A said he was just tired. But I can't help but to think he was lying. This is who that will frighten me. I really wish that I can be of great help to dearest A and J. But I know I can only be their listening ear, and ask them to cheer up. Sigh, I was too lost to react to A's tears and all I did is to ask if A is okay. But I do have the urge to go up to them to give them a hug. Because I know, if I do... they will be laughing and teasing me over again. However, I didn't. For it is awkward, and they will be shocked. I never did mind about their teasing... it is nothing harsh towards me. What's more they told me I make them happy, and that's what I always want my friends to feel...

To dearest A and J... ... although we never have in-depth heart to heart chats together, but I do know each of us has our worries for life. I never feel distant between us, even though I can honestly say I know nothing much of your life. But I just want you to know, I will always be there. Because I know you never give up on me yet. Neither did I. Never will I give up this friendship between us. Remember this, I will not get sick of answering "I'm okay, life is 'like that lor', normal", so never stop asking me even though you know my replies will always be the same. For this is the only way I can feel the care and concern from both of you. Do know I always care and love you both.

yours truly me

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jqMEow |

be happy.
love life.

09 July 1990

Typical ♋ian;
I'm a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of my emotions. I need you to be understanding and not give up on me.

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together.

✉ tan.jiaqi@live.com

Nuffnang |

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