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The End (of July);
Saturday, July 31, 2010
12:43 AM

The first step towards getting somewhere is
to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
-John Pierpont Morgan

Saturday is here (again)... time flies! In less than 48 hours, it will be August. I'm looking forward and yes, my plan will begin from this day. However (honestly), I have no confidence to say that I can pull through this difficult period. Even if I do, I believe along the way I will break down (often). Still, no matter what I'm gonna go for it! I want to be a healthy adult, so very badly! Looking good, feeling good.

I'm determine towards this, and I do know I need commitment. It is about time, effort and money now! My initial thought of quitting my job has to be pushed aside. For I know it will not be easy to find a new job that suits my tight schedule and I need the (pathetic sum) of money to survive for few months more. I feel miserable for 我不能冲动了, 要忍. But if I cannot tolerate the chaotic... well, I will still leave. So if I'm not being dismiss from work, I will stay (at least) to the start of September (with the juniors). Or not, the end of October (within the 6 months period). But best is, if I can survive till end of February (to pay off my 'debt'). No later than mid of March. Yes, I'm paying for the treatments. Not my mother. She has almost no responsibility for my poor health. Unless if you say, 'she is your mother what'... or it is partly caused during birth process. But heck... it is my fate. I am responsible for my life. Not her. Furthermore, no one is pressurising me to pay off the 'debt' tomorrow. I'm given a year to repay the creditor, but I will want to make it within 6 months. All the best to me yo~

So, the money I'm earning now is mostly for my health. There is no extra for spending and I can be sure (in this one year), it is impossible... for piano lessons, for lomography cameras, for baking lessons, for driving lessons, for travelling overseas, etc. It is hard to accept that I need to put aside things, and even people, but all is worth if I successfully become healthier. For the friends, (sometimes) I do fear of losing them. Still, I believe most of them (the good ol' friends) will be here for me. Especially after knowing the situations I'm in. But, I don't want to let everyone know what's happening to me... I just hope our friendships will not change over time. Even if it does, I won't care more... as that won't be call friends.

Actually, it is not as bad as I think. It is only occupying 1 - 2 hours of every Monday, Wednesday, Friday? (at around 7:00PM - 9:00PM). It is just no more free Monday movie screening with the Nuffnang or Omy (if anyone has ticket for me), no more 6:45PM Friday movie with Kaixin, no more eh... but anyhow, friends you still can meet me after 9:00PM y'know! Hahaha. Still, although it is just 6+- hours every week... but time is precious. Therefore, everything I can do on the Monday, Wednesday, Friday (may) have to push to Tuesday, Thursday if not the WEEKENDS.

Whatever it is. Wish me luck~

xoxo
yours truly me



jqMEow |

be happy.
love life.

+齐meow
09 July 1990

Typical ♋ian;
I'm a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of my emotions. I need you to be understanding and not give up on me.

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together.

✉ tan.jiaqi@live.com

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