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The weakness in me;
Friday, May 14, 2010
11:38 PM

今早 我想起 AJ 就哭了
because I feel that time is running against us...

A. is back from Japan, and I thought of meeting them for dinner. But J. is not free tonight and my Sunday is occupied. Therefore we will have to meet the week after this, which I am fine with it. After all, I did not get to meet them often but (I believe) we will remain close. However, when I remembered A. will be serving NS soon in June... I began to worry. Not because I have no confident in the friendship. But I am afraid that I am unable to balance my time between work, family, friends. The fear was sooo terrible that I teared. I could not stop this thought of mine, and I could not control my tears. Because once I thought of my guy friends who will be entering the camp in June, August... I feel lost.

It sounds silly for me to be crying over such issue... but I can't help it. I know I still have my family. The sisters. The girlfriends. The many other friends. Yet, I am selfish... I do not want to be apart with anyone. And it does not solve my problem with time. I have to work 9am to 6pm on the weekdays, 9am to 1pm on alternative Saturday. Sometimes I will have to do overtime. So I am left with the nights and Sunday, which add up to less than 100? hours a week. Fuck this life of mine. It is really pathetic. But honestly, most of us are either studying or working... the only time we're free is on the weekends. So if everyone meets on the weekends, I will have to make a choice between the friends to meet or if I should stay with my family. Therefore I also hope my family and friends will be understanding, and note that everyone of them has a place in my heart. No matter how busy I am, I will not forget to think of them. Hehehe.

How I wish working hours are shorter or even best, working days are lesser. Seriously, Singapore living standard is too high, and rather stressful which causes many people to be lack in social life. Now, I understand why you wanted to migrant out of Singapore. Why my parents wanted to as well. But... I will not want to part with the friends. Hai. 真烦!

P.S It is always the 'free' time (while waiting for bus, in the bus, before dozing off...) that keeps my thoughts going. And usually I will end up smiling foolishly or crying stupidly, without realising someone spotted me doing so.

jqMEow |

be happy.
love life.

09 July 1990

Typical ♋ian;
I'm a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of my emotions. I need you to be understanding and not give up on me.

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together.

✉ tan.jiaqi@live.com

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