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You are in me;
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
1:12 AM

Honestly! I do not want to fail for my last semester. Neither do I want the poor grade.

Looking at myself... (shake head) WHY AM I ADDICTED TO RESTAURANT CITY AND PET SOCIETY AGAIN! WHAT A BAD TIMING! But they cure my stress? Maybe not. My excuse again! Anyhow, I am happy. I know of friends who trust me more than I thought they will. They allowing their facebook accounts to me for trading of ingredients etc. I appreciate. It may be no big deal. But their kindness? helped me to accomplish my aim of levelling the many dishes. It shows their trust towards me too. Somehow I feel unfair for them. For I never trust them more than I should. I admit, even for the closest friends, I do lose trust on them at times. I do know they understand. But I feel sorry for myself being overly protective. Thinking everyone is out there to hurt and harm each others. Yes, I do have such a thought. Stupid or what. But somehow it depends on the matter. I won't mind sharing about my family, which many of you don't? I am just...

I do find myself weird. Yes, I am weird. I treat people unfairly, even after reminding myself constantly. I care for people I want to care for, who may not need my care and who may not care for me more than I care for them. I want them to care for me more, but they are always not the ones. The ones I wish for, are the ones who are always NOT here. The ones I bother less, are here for me most of the time. No, they aren't irritating. I have to appreciate, and not wait till the day they leave me. But somehow, I can't push myself to care for them more. Hai... y'know it is like being in this triangle shit. I hate this! But nothing gonna change. I will always be the same. I will say either you're lucky or unlucky? Don't blame me. Aren't most of us the same...?

I still appreciate all the friends for the small actions. Yes, it counts. Even to the nice people who tagged on the tagboard concerning my family matter. Thanks for understanding how I feel. You people are great! [The h8ful girl is out of the house already! Though it was after a huge quarrel/fight between the father and brother. And I guess they are in cold war still. But the father is making the effort. Yet the brother is stubborn. Haiyo.] Anyway, I am also grateful to the friends messaging me to ask how am I. Especially during my worst days. As I get to rant. My heart has so much to say... but I do not know how to face people whom I am unfair towards. Yet they didn't mind, and tolerated my nonsense.

Oh well,
Everyone has a place in my heart, :)

P.S Deadly killer = FYP!
P.S P.S Thanks Mr. Slowpoke for keeping me motivated, accompanying me throughout the nights.

Update 27.01 10:23AM/
Bad start for the day; waking up in the morning feeling as though 3/4 of my life is GONE! I've NEVER felt so tired before. Never! Not even the continuous days of netball trainings I used to have back in secondary school. This terrible feeling will be stuck in me, until FYP is over. Sigh. Is there any other way I can charge my energy beside sleeping?! Maybe if I can charge myself to the laptop, like how the mp3, ipod, etc. Oh well crap.

I lose balance just now, and my daddy got a shock (laughs). He knows I am tired. But I don't wanna worry anyone. Hai.

Please let me through this... I can't hold myself up straight, I am falling. Feeling like there is no tomorrow...

jqMEow |

be happy.
love life.

09 July 1990

Typical ♋ian;
I'm a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of my emotions. I need you to be understanding and not give up on me.

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together.

✉ tan.jiaqi@live.com

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