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I am a liar, lying to myself;
Friday, January 29, 2010
1:15 AM

Who should I talk to while you are away; never around anymore.

Imagine you thought it is ending, and you have to start ALL OVER again. It sucks to the core! You have two choices... to move backward and start doing with a new thinking or to stop and be prepare for failing. Moving backward doesn't meant you will make it in the end. But at least you have a chance. Stopping will be a full stop? Hell no... you will have to continue for the next 6 months doing the same shit till you complete. So HOW? I definitely will go for the first, to FLY for I only have 12 fucking pathetic days! To do the 3D modelling, technical drawings, model, presentation boards, design journal... etc. I don't know how the hell to do so. Not sleeping for the 12 days? Sounds impossible. Impossible for me to not sleep. Impossible to complete still. Anyhow, I must stop lying to myself now. Stop being in denial. I am forever in denial. Holy. Well, if I pass this final semester I will tell you it is miracle. Definitely miracle. And frankly, if I have a choice to make... I will wish to opt in stopping and starting with a new project. It is a new start. Refreshing. But if I still screw up, I am hopeless man! Totally hopeless. Then again, everyone is pushing me! I am utterly disappointed in myself, for the mistakes I made throughout this final year. It is too late. Too late! But I feel thankfully to this particular lecturer for waking up my mind. I don't blame him for being harsh in his words. He makes sense anyway. Thats somehow why I wish I can do it once again, to prove them I can do better than now. Whatever it is, I learnt a vulnerable lesson towards design; towards life. I wish to share it, although they may already have realise before me. Also I need to stop being a crybaby. Though it is hard for me not to cry when I hear my mother's encouraging voice, when I see certain friends... whom I know I can fall, trusting they will hold me up. Even when I woke up, after a short nap just now, the tears automatically rolled down. I am very weak. Very very weak. Sucks to be me...

P.S Mummy. Sorry for worrying you, and thanks for being here ♥

jqMEow |

be happy.
love life.

09 July 1990

Typical ♋ian;
I'm a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of my emotions. I need you to be understanding and not give up on me.

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together.

✉ tan.jiaqi@live.com

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